


Karkat Vantas and the Not Bummer Summer

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blood and Injury, Everyone Is Gay, Except John, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homestuck - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Injury Recovery, M/M, Rest in Pieces, if anyone knows where the title came from you get a free cookie, more like homeSUCC, this fucking sucks I'm really sorry, this is my first fanfic soooo yikes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-03-30
Packaged: 2018-10-12 18:49:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10497309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Inspired by this one Tumblr post that I can't find the artist for (I'll credit them as soon as I find them, please let me now if you're aware of the drawing that I'm talking about!) Homestuck au where Karkat is a firefighter and Dave is the idiotic twink that gets stuck in a babyswing.





	

“Alright, alright, calm down. I’ll be there as soon as possible.” Karkat scowled, slamming the phone against his poor excuse for a work desk. He had no idea what the problem was- just that apparently there was one. 

Usually the brunette wouldn’t have a problem with jobs like this- he loved being a firefighter and understood that the occupation in general was glorified when it came to the public’s knowledge. You’d think he’d have a schedule filled with brutal car accidents and forest fires, but all he really does is save kittens and ignorant asswipes like this. 

He didn't realize he was so lost in thought until the phone went off again with its terribly obnoxious caterwauling. Karkat had no idea who thought it would be funny to set the fire department’s ringtone to Tom Jones’ “What’s New Pussycat”, but he swore on his life that he’d make them pay once he did. Anyways, back to the task at hand. Throwing on his jacket, he hopped into his truck and floored the gas.

“...Are you fucking kidding me.” 

The man had finally arrived at central park, only to discover that the so called “emergency” was a grown man stuck in a baby swing...alright, well that makes him sound old. He looked like more of a teenager if anything, but Karkat assumed that he was around his own age- somewhere in his early twenties. But that’s not the point- the point is that he thought it would be a good idea to try and fit into the swing meant for infants, only to get wedged in. Unfortunately, his silent judgment was interrupted by the other male himself.

“Um, hello? Little dude? I’m afraid I’m in need of some assistance.”

The word “little” caught Karkat’s attention, as well as his temper.

"Who the fuck are you calling little, you incompetent prick? You’re the wiseguy who decided to crawl into that thing! Why did you even do that in the first place?!"  
He looked like he was about to reply until Karkat waved him off.

“You know what, I don't wanna know. I’m sure you're aware that we have to follow protocol, so I’m gonna skip the small talk and get to it. Name?” he asked, eyebrow raised and grimace evident.

“David Elizabeth Strider at your service.” He tried to attempt a handshake, but got a slap instead.

“Ouch man. That’s no way to treat a fellow bro in need,” the “Dave” guy said, keeping the same monotone voice and poker face. 

“Ok, first of all, we are not “bros”. I am your authority, and as such I deserve to be treated with respect.” 

Dave gave a slight shrug of his shoulders in response, which Karkat decided to take as an “ok”. 

“...and you’re sure you’re stuck?”

He couldn’t see the blonde’s eyes because of the sunglasses over them, but he sensed a sarcastic eyeroll.

“I guess not man, my bad. I’ll just- urgh- be on m- shit- my way.”

He continued his show of wriggling back and forth in the swing until karkat had to pity him 

“Oh for fucks sake- Dave stop, stop it, I swear to- Dave!” 

Said man paused his writhing, snapping his head up to look at Karkat.

“Yeah?”

The brunette could feeeel the smirk on the kid’s stupid face, and he *hated* it. He hated him.

“I- ugh j- FUCK. Look, heres what's gonna happen.” Karkat paused, trying to keep his voice even. “You’re gonna stop being an imbecile, I’m gonna cut you out of that, and then we’ll both be on our ways and pretend that this never happened- deal?”

An uncomfortable silence followed, causing Karkat to seethe his next few words.

“Do you hear me, sir? Or do I need to repeat myself.” He emphasized the “t” on “repeat”, hoping that he got his message across. 

“Yeah, yeah, don’t get your panties in a bunch, man- I hear you loud and clear. Emphasis on the loud, like for real. I feel bad for your girlfriend dude- she must be bleeding out of her ears by now with all the yelling you do. I can't imag-”

“Christ, alright! I get it, just..shut up and let me do my job.”

He looked over his shoulder from the equipment back to the form in the swing.

“And for the record, I don't have a girlfriend. I don't even swing that way.”

Living in southern Texas, he expected a kick in the gut for that last remark, but was surprised to see understanding on Dave’s face.

“Nah it’s cool man, I'm not exactly straight as a board myself, if you catch my drift.”

“Uh yeah, I “catch your drift…” He said the last few words with air quotes, becoming at the least mildly entertained with Dave's antics. He was still trying to wiggle out of the swing, and it clearly wasn't working.

...”Oh for God's sake just...hold on.”

Karkat rummaged through his bag of equipment, finally unearthing his pair of shears.

“Ok you kringlefucking douchewad, hold still while I cut your legs off.”

A subtle eyebrow raise was all the recognition he got for his comment, and Karkat had to admit that he was someone disappointed with the reaction.

…”It’s a joke dipshit.” As he spoke, he worked on the tedious task of cutting the swing open. While he worked, Dave rambled about some weird comic he was writing- Nice Bra and Heck of a Jaff?- he wasn’t really absorbing it, but he appreciated the attempt to fill the silence that was gradually becoming more and more awkward with each passing minute. 

Just as Dave was finishing up a short synopsis of his latest edition, he was (quite literally) cut off by Karkat, and let out a soft grunt at the impact. 

“You could've given me some warning,” he said, slightly glaring from his spot on the ground as he spoke.

“Yeah, well that takes the fun out of it,” the other replied, turning his back on him as he did in order to once again stash away his tools. 

He expected Dave to be gone by the time he was able to look back, but was surprised to discover that said man hadn’t moved an inch.

“Uh...you gonna get going or…?”

Dave shrugged his shoulders again (that seemed to be a favorite response for him), and then looked off to the side.

“...”

Another awkward silence, fantastic. He was about to say something when Dave interrupted

“I’ve got nowhere else to be, man.”

Karkat tilted his head a bit, curious as to what he meant. Dave seemed to get the message, judging from his quick retort.

“Wow, that sounded way more depressing than I meant, heh, um..I uh..”

He looked back up at Karkat from the molch he was curled up on.

“I’m not very good at this, as you might’ve guessed.”

He let out yet another clipped laugh before abruptly jumping up to a standing position. Karkat was a bit started to see Dave at his full height- he must’ve had about a whole other foot on him than the brunette previously anticipated. 

Dave twiddled his thumbs before speaking again.

“What I’m trying to say is- um- ok so like it's totally cool if the answer’s no or if you're not into that or if you really dislike me because I totally get that and I'd have to agree with you that I'm not the best and stuff but like-”

“Holy shit, Strider, spit it out!”

Dave took an evident deep breath before finally continuing. 

“Um so I think you’re really cute and funny and nice and usually I wouldn't even think to ask but you said you're into guys so like I thought it would be ok if-”

“Sure, loser . Just stop with the incoherent babbling- it's going to give me a fucking migraine.”

“-I asked about a date but like I..wait, seriously?”

Karkat rolled his eyes as Dave continued.

“‘Cause again, it’s totally cool if no- for God’s sake, we literally just met like 20 minutes ago.”

“It’s not like I have anything else to do tonight. Besides, you’re pretty cute yourself.”

It was admittedly entertaining to see Dave flustered; his so-called “coolkid” persona had washed down the drain as soon as Karkat dropped a single cheesy pick-up line. Said boy was now blushing the exact same color as the fire truck parked beside him. Speaking of fire truck, he really needed to get back. The shorter male jumped up into his vehicle before poking his head out of the window. 

“Pick me up at 6 o’clock sharp, capiche? 561 48th street, apartment number 413. I’ll be waiting.” 

Dave only gave a curt nod in response. To anyone else, he would’ve looked disappointed- that is, until you noticed the pink dusting on his cheeks. Add that to the blonde’s rapidly forming grin, and you’ve got all the ingredients you need for a happy little gay. 

Karkat couldn’t help but smile back before finally stepping on the gas pedal, leaving nothing but a small cloud of dirt and a beaming young man in his wake.

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo yeah.. this is my first post on ao3 that I'm actually happy with, so that's cool. Updates will be pretty sporadic, so I apologize in advance. Feedback is always appreciated- please enjoy!!!


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